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Q1. Why do marriages fall apart?
a. Because of Poor communication.
b. Selfishness.
c. Fall out of love.
d. Not having time together.
e. Basically it is lack of unity.
God wants us to be totally united.
Genesis 2:24
For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.
In this lesson we will be learning the roles for a husband.
Q2. Why does God have different roles for a husband and wife?
To preserve unity
Eg:- Relate to position (roles) on a football team. If each player plays his position well we call them a unit (kicking unit, defensive unit etc)
Lets see what God says are some roles for a husband.
Ephesians 5:22-33
22 Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord.
23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior.
24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.
25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her
26 to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word,
27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.
28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.
29 After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church--
30 for we are members of his body.
31 "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh."
32 This is a profound mystery--but I am talking about Christ and the church.
33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.
Husbands are called to be the leader and lover.
1. Quality Leader.
The Bible teaches that "the husband is the head of the wife"
You have the role of leadership in the marriage relationship--- you are in charge.
Marriage is a partnership but the husband is the senior partner put in that position by God.
Many husbands abandon their leadership role. They are aloof and alone. They are preoccupied busy and distracted to assume their God given responsibility
Some are weak and intimidated.
We saw our fathers mistreat our mothers and we don't want to do the same mistake so we back out of leading altogether.
None of these is appropriate response.
God has called you to the position of leadership (to be a husband). He has given you the position - so he will teach you how to go about filling it.
Q3. How does our society emphasize about leading?
a. Giving orders.
b. Being the boss.
c. Being overbearing.
d. Being commanding.
We need a model
The right model and the right motive will produce the right method.
The model is Jesus. His motive is love.
The question is, what is the quality of your leadership?
Our leadership should model the greatest leader - - - Jesus.
Ephesians 5:23
For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior.
Don't keep complaining about the weaknesses of your wife. Remember Christ didn't chose you when you were perfect but a sinner.
Paul describes marriage in terms of Jesus's relationship with the church.
Therefore you have the charge to present your wife before God some day radiant holy and without blame or blemish.
This is going to take great leadership, Jesus-style leadership.
LOVE, HUMILITY AND SERVICE were the foundation and guiding principles of his leadership
In his kingdom the leader is the servant of all.
You got to understand your role as a husband from the Bible--- Take it Seriously (Give lot of practical examples on how he can be a quality leader).
Until you understand the honor and joy of serving you will never be able to see your wife and your future children happy and faithful.
2. The Lover.
Ephesians 5:25-33
25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her
26 to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word,
27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.
28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.
29 After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church--
30 for we are members of his body.
31 "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh."
32 This is a profound mystery--but I am talking about Christ and the church.
33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.
Q4. What does your wife want and need from you more than anything else?
She wants and needs you to LOVE HER.
You are commanded by God to - LOVE YOUR WIFE. "as Christ loved the church" - Eph 5:33.
As Jesus did not weigh or calculate how much love he would give his bride, the church - so you should spare nothing to express to your wife the depth of your love.
Q5. How can you know if your wife feels loved?
Best way is to ask our self some question.
(i) Is my wife radiant?
(ii) Is she sparking with life?
(iii) Is she full of joy, peace and happiness?
(iv) Is she confident?
Consistently ask her if she feels loved by you. If not find out from her what you must do to make her feel loved.
A. Your love should be AN EXCLUSIVE LOVE.
Ephesians 5:31
"For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh."
The Bible describes a husband and wife as "one flesh" a relationship that only death can separate. There should be no other person we love so much! Our love for our mother our fathers our kids our friends our jobs (and certainly not another woman or old girlfriend) should not come before our love for our wives. Only our love for God should have a higher place in our lives. Your wife should be able to sense that you love her next to God.
B. Your love should be UNSELFISH LOVE.
Ephesians 5:25
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her
Jesus gave himself up for the church. As men we must learn to love in ways which may be difficult or awkward for us--- and this will mean sacrifice and personal cost--- but the benefits to our wives and our marriages will be incomparable. Find ways to serve and to make their life easy and enjoyable. We can be selfish by not giving our time and energy to serve them or to fulfill their wishes and desires.
C. Your love needs to be a SENSITIVE LOVE.
Ephesians 5:28
In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.
Husband ought to love their wives as their own bodies. You need to tune in to your wives physical, emotional and spiritual needs. We should be quick to anticipate, realize and respond. Are they tired weary or sick? Are they discouraged? Our wives should not have to beg us to be sensitive and attentive! We should avoid hurting our wives through insensitivity and never never should we embarrass or humiliate them.
Your love should be an INITIATORY LOVE.
1 John 4:19
We love because he first loved us.
We love because he first loves us. Take the responsibility for keeping the love in your marriage. Touch her (after marriage) write her cards, buy her gifts for birthday for your wedding anniversary and for no reason at all! Plan special times to spend together Say "thank you" praise her in front of others and when just two of you are together. Speak of your commitment to her and tell her why you love her. Compliment her appearance, accomplishments, character and when you do be specific! In everything treat her with respect and courtesy.
1 Peter 3:7
Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.
If you wrong her apologize quickly, humbly, plainly.
Conclusion
God is calling you to be a Christian husband. He is calling you to be a quality leader. He is calling you to be a loving Husband. Spare nothing to make her feel she is the most loved woman on the planet…then watch her transform into a beautiful and radiant bride-a woman who knows without a doubt that she is loved "as Christ loved the church".
Challenge
1. Pray this week / month and ask God to help you accept this role with all your heart.
2. Study Scriptures on the "role of a husband".
3. Develop and deepen your conviction through the Scriptures.
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