| No. |
When having an argument |
When having a discussion |
1 |
We treat other people as opponents to be defeated |
We treat people as partners in a problem-solving session |
| 2 |
We draw sides, defend our own positions and attack the opposition |
We share ideas, consider alternatives and evaluate the pros and cons |
| 3 |
If we listen at all, we do so only to find the weakness in the other person's reasoning |
We listen to other people's thoughts and explore ideas we haven't previously considered |
| 4 |
We are not open to new ideas or the possibility of changing our opinions |
We learn more about the issue, above what we think and feel and about each other's values |
| 5 |
We want to prove the superiority of our side and the weakness of the other side |
We seek people's support, not their resentful silence |
| 6 |
Even when we "win" an argument, we usually do so by losing a potential ally |
We may passionately disagree with each other but mutual respect keeps the discussion civil |
