| No. |
Appropriate Guilt |
Shame |
1 |
"What I did or did not do was wrong or violating" |
"something is wrong with me" |
| 2 |
Focused on violating behaviors/actions separate from identity |
Focused on the flawed sense of identity and self-worth |
| 3 |
Healthy uncomfortable experience that deepens understanding of why action/inaction was violataing |
Unhealthy painful experience that deepens negative internalized beliefs about self often rooted in early childhood |
| 4 |
Often motivates us to take responsible action to correct the wrong or make what is unjust just |
Encourages performative behavior due to fear of being rejected or denial by rejecting the responsibility altogether |
| 5 |
Leads to relational justice with others |
Perpetuates injustice toward self + others |
| 6 |
Begins the process of healing the relational rupture |
No authentic reparations are made |
| 7 |
Guilt becomes resolved as genuine change in behaviors leads to healing rupture |
Shame deepens over time if not addressed and transmits shame to others laterally + vertically |
